I love you

h: : yeh i think so too
h: probably the worse shit we ever been through

me: hm

me: didnt think of that way

me: prby

me: maybe cause we didnt straight out fight though

me: so didnt feel liek it

me: but

me: maybe

h: yehh it was more like a

me: : uncertainty

h: mm

h: im thinkign

h: ordeal

me: THATS SO BAD

me: so not the right word

me: test

h: k

h: test fits

h: but its to elementary

me: it was bigger than a test

me: test on how you would make me feel/comfort/be there for me

me: test for me if i could let go of pride and be honest with you

h: mmyes

100% honesty

I 99% sure that I am only doing this because I am being stubborn. I am disguising pride with courage. (And I know it too). I know it is because I am too proud to go back on what I said. Or maybe because I am making up this fantasy in my head hoping to make me look so much better than I am. (Most likely both). I am sorry. Even though I am doing this in declaration that it is all for you, and because it would make things a little less messy, in the back of my head I am at the same time fucking everything up to protect what little pride I have. I am being picky and instead of being mature and giving you what you/we deserve, I am just hiding in the back of the back closet. What I do feel sincere about, even though I can not see it entirely happening, which in case this was all a big joke of me and my pitifulness, is that I can keep it in that closet until forever ends.

There. Maybe now I will feel a little better after I typed/tucked behind a blog of pointlessness. 

I WANT A DERVISH

For the people in my life:

For the people in my life:

>Hopefully, one day,  I'll be able to give you some assurance. Assurance that you've done well, assurance that things will be okay, and assurance so to free you from this doubt. Maybe it's this second guessing right now, but never really seen you this vulnerable. Not entirely sure how, but hopefully I'll be able to give back to you one day too. Realized nothing will ever be as clean and clear in real life. But maybe we'll clean up the loose ends together.

>No one can carry that much by themselves.  I'm sorry for never getting it entirely. I never let you make mistakes before because in my mind you were so strong. I'm sorry. Hopefully one day I' be able to help you let it all go. Start anew. It'll feel good. I promise.

>You're so good. I know you'll make it. Hopefully I'll be able to help you here and there along the way.

>It isn't worth it, but thats not what it's all about. I know you wish it were different too. I wish I had done more up till now, and now hopefully I'll stop wishing and being so passive. You're better than this and you know it too.  Even though it's taking longer than we thought, I know we'll make it through. Know you'll make it through.

Blog topic?

Need to get over the habit of outlining essay for 50 hours before I start (and double dribbling), lols all I ever blog about: essays.

CORNROWS PLS!

WHiners ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE (stop doing it)

2 for 1??

2 post in one day? I guess I must really missed this shit haha. Thought of tattoo came to mind and have to blog about the prettiest tattoo I'v seen in a long time. As much as I don't appreciate when guys play shirtless on the courts (with their sweat ready to engulf anyone within 50 yards) that guy had a pretty nice tattoo.. Haha, not exactly sure what it was either, I guess I just liked the size and color. It went from his right shoulder down to his side and another one on the other side. Anywas, as usual, point-lacking. Alright enough study breaks, back to philosopher kings and access of the Forms.